Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Who Dares Wins!

The man in charge wiped the sweat from his brow and looked worriedly at his second-in-command. Skilfully and carefully, both peered through the crack at the worried passengers.

"We have to avoid a panic!", he whispered.

The second-in-command took his compact walkie out of his top pocket and walked away. He returned half a minute later.

"Couple of men from the SAS are coming in!"

"They had no other option?"

"No...situation's got out of hand."

The man in charge bit his lip.

"Don't worry", whispered the second-in-command, "it's out of our hands now. The SAS have been doing this for years...they're real pros."

"I'm worried about the consequences..."

There was a rustle, and the two operatives from the SAS appeared and introduced themselves. They were lean and professional looking men. Not a drop of sweat could be discerned on either. The man in charge felt instantly calmer.

"Go for it then, lads!", he smiled a nervous smile, and gave them a clumsy thumps-up as they pushed past and into the passenger section.

They walked calmly along the aisle, one behind the other, each carrying a large metal pot in either hand.

"Kaffe?...Coffee?....Kaffi?..." said the first one.

"Tea?...Te?....The?...Tea?..." went the other.

"Oh, at last!", said a passenger.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Kayerts and Carlier from Joseph Conrad's "An Outpost of Progress"

"There were two white men in charge of the trading station. Kayerts, the chief, was short and fat; Carlier, the assistant, was tall, with a large head and a very broad trunk perched upon a long pair of thin legs."

"Kayerts had been in the Administration of the Telegraphs, and knew how to express himself correctly....He regretted the streets, the pavements, the cafes, his friends of many years; all the things he used to see, day after day; all the thoughts suggested by familiar things--the thoughts effortless, monotonous, and soothing of a Government clerk; he regretted all the gossip, the small enmities, the mild venom, and the little jokes of Government offices."

"Carlier, an ex-non-commissioned officer of cavalry in an army guaranteed from harm by several European Powers.."

"Society, not from any tenderness, but because of its strange needs, had taken care of those two men, forbidding them all independent thought, all initiative, all departure from routine; and forbidding it under pain of death."

"...all the things dirty, and all the things broken, that accumulate mysteriously round untidy men."

"Kayerts stood still. He looked upwards; the fog rolled low over his head. He looked round like a man who has lost his way..."

"...one of the Company's steamers had been wrecked, and the Director was busy with the other, relieving very distant and important stations on the main river. He thought that the useless station, and the useless men, could wait. Meantime Kayerts and Carlier lived on rice boiled without salt, and cursed the Company, all Africa, and the day they were born."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Studies of Irish Cross

Characters from Samuel Beckett's "Endgame"

Nagg, Nell, Clov, Hamm.

Hamm. Hamm is supposed to be blind in the play, and the actor will generally wear a pair of dark, "blind man's" shades for the part. I prefered to draw him with eyes visible. Empty, yet looking away from the scolding Clov.

Outdoor swimming pool, Gdansk.

Inspired by a trip to a public baths in Gdansk. There was an outdoor pool there connected to the indoor pools. When it started raining, only a few remained. In this quick sketch they've been turned into G√ľnter Grass, Klaus Kinski and Lech Walesa.

Lost in the supermarket

Clash references aside, I hope this to be an at least partly sympathetic portrayl of someone who is honestly lost in the supermarket; whose life options seem to have become reduced to which enormous bag of chips to chose.

I find taking photographs of badly dressed and overweight people at Wal-Mart (or whatever) from behind and posting them on the internet to be a mean and sneaky thing to do. Adding snarky (though not especially bright) comments to such photographs is, well, a comment in itself.

Saturday, August 14, 2010


To: Arcon Norway AS

Re: Your product "Hangover Killer"

Dear sirs/madams. Having now thoroughly sampled your product, I must say that I suspect it to be in some way deficient. Imagine my shock and surprise when I awoke this morning, having placed faith in your product's hangover "killing" capabilities (crystalline cellulose, etc.), and found that my hangover had, in fact, not been "killed" as promised, but was alive and well in all it's distressing manifestations. This seems to me to be a clear case of false claims and and therefore seeking a refund.

Yours, etc.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Hotel breakfast!

Ah, a thimbleful of orange juice,
a greasy slice of faded pink bacon,
a shaped fried egg,
a croissant of the hard and crumbly kind,
raw toast,
a cheap marmalade,
a cup of sour coffee,
and a cumberland sausage.
Anyone for seconds?
Time took a cigarette?
time took a whole pack of twenty,
King Size,
and got stuck in traffic behind the
annual granny's steam-banger veteran's parade
droplet-damp chafing dish bacon rasher basher's bash!
So hang your head,
and hold your manhood cheap,
when other's speak of those,
who took the plunge,
and smeared their honeyed knives,
along the crisp-baked cake!